Starting Over

How long did I make it with that first challenge? Four WHOLE days? A feat. Let's be clear though, it wasn't laziness. 

Things got a little out of hand; time whizzed by; I sunk into the wrong kind of acceptance. Instead of accepting that my body and mind have power, that I'm in control, I fell into a world where my chronic conditions were the almighty judge and jury. 

As I write today, I have finally - very barely -  come to terms with it: I have chronic conditions. Period (no endometriosis pun intended, but I'll take it). They exist. They're here to stay. They're part of me. 

But here's the more important realization: I can't will them away by giving into the overwhelm, although there's nothing wrong with embracing the overwhelm briefly. I need to stop being afraid of my own body. I don't need to go cold turkey on having bad, weepy days. That's an impossibility. I do, however, need to give myself a fighting chance to return to some form of normalcy. There's little chance I'll feel as strong and energetic on a daily basis as the regular Joe, but there is a chance I'll become my strongest self - and that's much stronger than my current day. 

As I lay awake in agony at 4 am two days ago, I had a strange thought creep into the recesses of my mind. Throughout all of the fatigue, pain, and inability to eat, I've been able to work; I've been able to lead the students I mentor with ease; I was co-running a startup for 1.5 years just at the onset of the symptoms. Somehow, I've been able to force my brain to take care of business and other people. It's just myself that I can't take care of. 

So... what if I treat my body like a business? It has an operation that has to get done; it needs to have a strategic plan to get there. That little revelation about my own priorities in life (no matter how embarrassing and telling they are) sent me down the Google spiral that only seems to appear in the wee hours of the night when everyone else is asleep. The outcome: personal OKRs. 

Armed with a new spreadsheet, I set out strategic goals for myself until the end of the year with one overarching theme: 

Build habits and identify tools to cope emotionally and physically with feeling unwell. 

Here's the breakdown of objectives and key results I've set up for myself -  

Improve Fitness 🏋️

- Practice yoga everyday for 30 minutes/day
- Dance like no one is watching for 30 minutes/week
- Walk on the treadmill 4 times/month for 30 minutes each
- Find 1 cardio workout that doesn't hurt my knees 

Improve Nutrition 🍎

- Eat 0 dairy or wheat everyday
- Eat 3 meals/day everday
- Drink 32 oz of water * 3 everyday
- Eat only 4 non-fruit sugary treats/month 

Improve Psychological Wellbeing 🧠

- Sleep by midnight everyday 

- Have 3 hours of offline time/day 

- Meditate for 10 minutes everyday 

Find and Build Inspiration 🖍️

- Build and write a blog about OKRS and write everyday

- Submit 1 piece of writing 

- Sell 1 piece of art to a stranger

- Spend 1 hour/week brainstorming social impact projects

- Read 1 book/week

And then some....

Anyway, I'm hoping these will stick beyond all my previous attempts at holistic change. I hope I've given myself enough tools to commit and succeed, because I do need to prove to myself that I can do anything. And I need to stop fooling myself into thinking I can do everything on the first try. Progress takes time, or so they say.  

Join me as I build up my physical and emotional stamina and share funny stories along the way. 

Let's do this.