So here we are...
And I'm a big ball of stress.
It seems that every destabilizing event that could have happened did.
A few months ago my anxiety was already running rampant, ebbing and flowing with the multitudes of mysterious health issues cropping up at random. First it was the headaches, then the dizziness, the chest pain, the leg pain, the fatigue. Medical diagnoses questioned vitamin deficiencies, escalating asthma, low blood pressure, hypoglycemia, and more. No medication, or lifestyle change, seemed to repair all at once, or even any given symptom. And that's not to mention that each and every one of my un-diagnosed ailments could also be an exacerbated stress reaction, something I continuously reminded myself of between blood tests and trips to the Walgreens around the corner.
So there I was, sleeping too little on weekdays (mind consumed with worry), sleeping too much on weekends (body exhausted from overthinking), and paralyzed by the endless cycle of stress and worry.
Then, the virus arrived. It first interrupted my plans to reunite with my long distance boyfriend, something that sent me into a tailspin of frustration, anger, and panic. Then, it interrupted my ability to continue to live my day-to-day life at a level I'm sure is well beyond the national average. As an "at risk" individual I became acutely aware of the weakness of my immune and respiratory system. I have to take my rescue inhaler every time I walk up stairs. Every. Single. Time. And I live on the fourth floor. Imagine that. Not to mention, the infection I've been fighting for two weeks that has caused me to miss day after day of work as I try to win this battle. Spoiler alert: I haven't won yet.
And with the virus, so too came an uptick in my anxiety...
...to a debilitating level.
How am I going to go to work knowing I could catch the virus that inevitably kills me?
The grocery store?
What can I do to help myself?
I know my anxiety is stunting my ability to heal.
My coping mechanisms of painting (read: making a mess), writing (read: venting), and distracting myself (read: Netflix), just aren't cutting it anymore.
I realized I need a stronger sensation of control in a time of extreme helplessness.
I need to help myself.
I need to help my immune system.
So here I am...trying, publicly. Because, well, I need the internet (whether humans are reading me or not) to hold me accountable to the big (really, not so big) life changes I'm promising to make.
And without further ado, here are the big promises:
4. Exercise for 20 minutes every day.
It seems that every destabilizing event that could have happened did.
A few months ago my anxiety was already running rampant, ebbing and flowing with the multitudes of mysterious health issues cropping up at random. First it was the headaches, then the dizziness, the chest pain, the leg pain, the fatigue. Medical diagnoses questioned vitamin deficiencies, escalating asthma, low blood pressure, hypoglycemia, and more. No medication, or lifestyle change, seemed to repair all at once, or even any given symptom. And that's not to mention that each and every one of my un-diagnosed ailments could also be an exacerbated stress reaction, something I continuously reminded myself of between blood tests and trips to the Walgreens around the corner.
So there I was, sleeping too little on weekdays (mind consumed with worry), sleeping too much on weekends (body exhausted from overthinking), and paralyzed by the endless cycle of stress and worry.
Then, the virus arrived. It first interrupted my plans to reunite with my long distance boyfriend, something that sent me into a tailspin of frustration, anger, and panic. Then, it interrupted my ability to continue to live my day-to-day life at a level I'm sure is well beyond the national average. As an "at risk" individual I became acutely aware of the weakness of my immune and respiratory system. I have to take my rescue inhaler every time I walk up stairs. Every. Single. Time. And I live on the fourth floor. Imagine that. Not to mention, the infection I've been fighting for two weeks that has caused me to miss day after day of work as I try to win this battle. Spoiler alert: I haven't won yet.
And with the virus, so too came an uptick in my anxiety...
...to a debilitating level.
How am I going to go to work knowing I could catch the virus that inevitably kills me?
The grocery store?
What can I do to help myself?
I know my anxiety is stunting my ability to heal.
My coping mechanisms of painting (read: making a mess), writing (read: venting), and distracting myself (read: Netflix), just aren't cutting it anymore.
I realized I need a stronger sensation of control in a time of extreme helplessness.
I need to help myself.
I need to help my immune system.
So here I am...trying, publicly. Because, well, I need the internet (whether humans are reading me or not) to hold me accountable to the big (really, not so big) life changes I'm promising to make.
And without further ado, here are the big promises:
- Stop reading all articles about the virus. I mean it. All of them.
- Set aside "worry time". I've read somewhere you should set aside 10 minutes; I'm giving myself 30 a day. Between the hours of 5:00 pm and 5:30 pm (but we can be flexible). If I catch myself worrying outside of that time I'll table my thoughts and wait until the designated time.
- Take the medicine. All of it. Every day. That includes the vitamins, young one.
4. Exercise for 20 minutes every day.
Revolutionary?
Maybe not.
A challenge for a lazy, asthmatic, couch potato such as myself?
Absolutely.
That brings me to here, this blog. I'm going to pick a different (or the same) workout everyday and not only do the workout but also write about it (which one I did, whether I liked it, how I felt, and how I feel generally as a result of these efforts), and about my day, and perhaps even throw in some of my 30 minutes of worrying.
Until tomorrow friends, until tomorrow.
